Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
whose parrot is this?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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