just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
