We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
