I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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