His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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