i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
