found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
