Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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