How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
