Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
