i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
