did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
3pm strippers are depressing
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
