One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
