Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
