i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
