I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
