Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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