Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
