I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
my poor anus
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
