he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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