so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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