Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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