i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
