apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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