My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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