I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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