sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
