I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
