I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
