who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
