Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
