dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
