Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
