I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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