i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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