The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
