I am puke
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
