I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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