Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
