That's intense
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
