I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
