Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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