Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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