He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
