that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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