We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
