I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
