Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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