its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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