her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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