i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
