i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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