you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
