dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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