We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
